But don't worry, I have been working on this over the past few years. As I grow older (key word there...grow older, not get older), I am trying to be more comfortable in my skin. I try to take care of myself, exercise, etc.
Working in a nursing home has really changed my perspective on this too. Recently I read a news story to my residents about a face transplant that was done in the States. We thought about whose face we might like to have if we had to get a face transplant. In the end, we all decided we wanted to keep the face that God gave us. I looked around at my residents, and admired them for coming to that conclusion. I, of course, think they are all beautiful. Each and ever crease in their faces tells a story, and I am fascinated by that each day. (My fascination with life stories is a post for another day!)
A lot of my residents are in late-stage dementia, and many of them can no longer speak, or even move. We do an aromatherapy program with them in which we wash and massage their hands. Each time I do this, I look at their withered hands and think of all the things those hands accomplished during their lifetime...how they must have made meals, caressed babies, cared for sick children... And then I think of all the things my own body can still do. Unlike many of my residents, I can walk, talk, see, hear, smell, taste, get out of bed on my own each day, bathe without help, eat without help, remember who my loved ones are, go out for a drive whenever I want to, complete all my activities of daily living, I can have my own pets in my home...and oh yeah--I can actually go to my own home, rather than just wish I could go home.
So, how fortunate am I?? Really, really, beyond-measure-fortunate.
I went to my great-uncle's funeral today. At the end of his rich life, he was in the same condition many of my residents are. He's home in Heaven with the Lord now. During the funeral the pastor gestured toward Millard's body inside his casket, and said, "Millard used to live there. But not anymore. He lives in Heaven now". I really liked that thought. I know that thought will comfort me when I undoubtedly will lose one of my own grandparents one day.
This body, the one I sometimes don't like very much, is just my temporary home. And God gave me this temporary home for a reason. Shouldn't I be thankful for it, and all the things it can do? Yes, I should. So, I'm going to keep trying to remember to be thankful for this body, to take care of this temporary home until I don't need it anymore, and use it how I think God would want me to use it. Because, usually when I borrow things, I try really hard to take good care of them...